Our approach to affair recovery was designed in direct consultation with Dr. John Gottman, and through our relationship with the Gottman Institute we have created the “Curriculum for Affair Recovery”® with its “Healing Tasks Model”®. All of our work is grounded in both the personal experience of having survived an affair followed by a divorce and remarriage to one another, AND over three decades of the most critically acclaimed scientific research on marriage and family success anywhere in the world.
We do not offer simple solutions, empty promises with presumptive guarantees or quick fixes to complicated issues. What we do provide you with is a research tested and scientifically sound approach rooted in the art and science of what it takes to be successful in loving another human being and the specific tasks and steps that must be navigated to heal, recover from and redesign your relationship following an affair.
Why A “Curriculum” to Recover from an Affair?
What if it were possible to have a clearly charted, scientifically informed and experientially sound blueprint to heal, recover and redesign your relationship following infidelity in your relationship?
Would it help you to know the specific steps required to heal?
Could it decrease your anxiety level about the uncertainty of the future if you had a map for restoring and healing your relationship?
That day is now!
We created the “Curriculum for Affair Recovery”™ and “The Healing Tasks Model”™ to give you exactly that. In it you will find a transformational process to understand, work through and overcome the negative aftermath and destructive legacy that an affair can leave for your life and family.
Through our unique process you will find answers and solutions to the most difficult questions you face at the worst possible moment in your life.
A divorce or devitalized relationship is NOT inevitable after the affair if you know how to “repair” your relationship.
Our approach and process to affair recovery will help you do that one step at a time.
Are you asking yourself these questions?
Do I stay or leave the relationship?
How do I ask for a separation and can we do this without harming our relationship?
How and why did the affair happen? Was it my fault?
Is there something wrong with me or our relationship that this happened in the first place?
Is it possible to heal from the intense pain?
Can I really learn to trust my spouse again?
How can I ever be intimate and let myself be vulnerable with my partner again?
What will guarantee that this won’t happen again in the future?
Is it possible to forgive infidelity? Why should I?
How can I ever get past my hurt, anger and growing resentment over being betrayed this way?
Why can’t we communicate about it and fight every time we bring it up?
Will I ever feel worthwhile and attractive again to anybody?
How can I allow myself to be sexual after knowing what my spouse did?
What do I do about the constant obsessive thoughts and never ending triggers that cause me so much pain?
Is it possible to talk about the affair without hurting each other more and destroying what’s left of our marriage?
Where do we begin to heal and how do we start the process?
These questions are normal, understandable given what you are going through, and more importantly, have answers with specific strategies and solutions for each of them that we address and work with you toward answering and resolving.
Our approach, which consists of specialized coaching, our research-based seminar programs and live events, informative and thought provoking articles, books and consulting all are designed to provide you with real answers to these and other questions you will face following the affair.
“The Curriculum for Affair Recovery” will coach you to:
- Take the necessary self-care steps to restore your sanity and effectively cope with the trauma reactions to the affair.
- Apply practical communication techniques to assist you in talking about all aspects of the affair experience.
- Manage the negative emotions surrounding the affair (anger, hurt, rage) and process them in ways that begin to rebuild your intimacy.
- Learn emotional intelligence skills such as emotional self-awareness, empathy, attunement and transparent communication to facilitate healing.
- Understand the needs of both the Betrayed and Involved partner.
- Identify where in “The Healing Tasks Model”™ you are and what steps you must take in order to repair and heal your relationship.
- Design a relationship based on the practical application of scientific research for what a “Sound Relationship House” looks like and requires from the individuals within it.
- Build a solid foundation for your redesigned relationship by investing in Friendship (Love Maps, Fondness & Admiration and an Emotional Bank Account).
- Repair trust, restore intimacy, and revitalize sexuality.
- Get complete resolution about the affair and create the context for Authentic Forgiveness and learn a technology for how to begin the process.
- Design a Relationship Vision and Relationship Design map for new possibilities in the future.
- Stop negative patterns and dead end cycles that continue to injure one another.
- Live from committed agreements, accountability and transparency.
Here’s How It Works
“The Curriculum for Affair Recovery”™
Based on our own practical experience of healing from an affair and divorce, and our specialized training in the science of what it takes to be successful in relationships, we have carefully designed a step-by-step approach that will provide you professional guidance from discovery to recovery and beyond.
Phase I and Phase II are the foundation of the “Curriculum for Affair Recovery”™ and through these two power packed transformational programs you will be equipped to conquer any challenges you are committed to healing from and move beyond them.
Because each relationship is unique not everyone needs or will benefit from the same approach. To respect the fact that no two couples are the same, we offer a series of targeted seminars through “The Advanced Course Programs”® (Please refer to our ‘After The Affair’ section for specific program titles and descriptions) that allow you to choose what relationship needs you may want to address on your healing journey to thrive beyond repair and recovery, to relationship redesign and transformation.
By participating in the “Curriculum for Affair Recovery”™, we will guide you through a carefully structured series of “Healing Tasks” (See the 10 “Healing Tasks” at the end of this section) each with specific strategies and skills to learn, goals to meet, experiential exercises to practice, skills to apply and ample teaching, coaching, counseling and group processing of the core issues couples face in recovering from and redesigning their relationships following the affair.
“The Healing Tasks Model”™
Task I: Making a Decision to Heal
Task II: Design a Safe Environment for Healing Work to Begin
Task III: Understanding the Impact of the Affair
Task IV: Mapping the Territory of Infidelity
Task V: Powerful Communication: Leveraging Conflict
Task VI: Telling the Story of the Affair
Task VII: Constructing a ‘Sound Marital House’™
Task VIII: Creating Trust, Accountability & Agreements
Task IX: Forgiveness & Empowerment
Task X: Designing an Intentional Marriage
Please go to our “After The Affair” section to learn more about our unique approach and how you can participate in one of our live events.